Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst
by galleons
Summary: When Professor Snape crashes a party at 12 Grimmauld Place for the Order of the Phoenix, he makes, er, quite an entrance.
1. Chapter 1: Most Definitely Not

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Note: **This fic doesn't overlap as much my other ones do. This fic is about Snape, even though Professor Vector is the narrator. It had to be told from someone else's point of view that works with him and is a foil in my other fics to Snape. It is a reminder of how someone so smart can be really out of touch socially. We've all been there at some point in our lives. Also, someone has to pay for his utter embarrassment the next day at work. I guess it will have to be Vector.

The first few chapters set the story and then all hell breaks lose. Please hang in there if you like Snape fanfics. It may seem like Vector's story at first, but it really isn't.

**Intro:** They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well, when Sirius Black and the Weasleys decide to throw a Halloween gathering for the Order of the Phoenix at 12 Grimmauld Place, some look for costume inspiration in fantastic beasts and wizards of old, and some look no further than those around them for ideas.

**Chapter 1: Most Definitely Not**

When Molly Weasley invited me to the Halloween party at 12 Grimmauld Place, it had completely slipped my mind that I was scheduled to work on something with Snape that night. However, he as an Order member was invited, too. Sirius claimed that he could overlook Snivellus' entering his home for Order meetings, but this was asking a lot. However, he reluctantly agreed. Not that I believed Snape would show any inclination to put down a vial and make an appearance, but I would like to attend. Before I committed myself to Sirius and the Weasleys, I decided it may be best to let Snape know we would have to reschedule.

When I broached the subject of the party and some costume ideas to Snape, this was his response:

"A bit of advice, Vector, though it is probably a waste on you," Snape said smoothly.

"Dress as a hag. You need not even exert yourself in disguising your less than noble features. What a pity to waste the few galleons you possess and your seemingly precious time scouring Hogsmeade for a costume," he finished with a smirk. "Really, competing with the other eleven-year-old wizards and witches….are you daft?"

"Well, Severus, I would whole-heartedly suggest that you show some originality and pose as a boggart, but since you are one to half of Hogwarts as it is…."

"Vector, if you decide to participate in such foolishness, so be it. Even with your lack of sound judgment and questionable intelligence, I am sure you can find a suitable get-up in your wardrobe closet. I myself will not be attending. I have more constructive things to do with my time. We will have to reschedule. The Headmaster will be in attendance and he, of course, will bar me from stopping you," he rolled his eyes and his lips twisted slightly to the left.

"However, I expect you to be at the dungeons at 6:00 a.m. the following day. Our work will not fall behind due to your foolish carousing and that of the usual dunderheads you frequent your time with. Make my excuses to the Weasleys and that stunted teenager---I mean, the Animagus Black," snapped Snape.

"And today I chose to ignore the ranting and ravings of a complete lunatic. Are you sure you would not like to come with me, then? I am not sure what compels me to act against my better judgment, but I have tried to include you in certain functions. I try to be somewhat cordial as a co-worker, and you routinely decline. I don't think I shall ever ask you again." Snape eyed her as if she were mad.

Snape paused and answered. "No. And I can think of no worse abomination than to be seen arriving with you in public. I am quite sure you have grown accustomed to such refusals of your company, excluding myself. Good Day, Vector."

Snape turned on his heel, his cloak twirling after him as he stalked into his office and closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2: Early Arrivals

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

Professor Vector seeking a costume of her own and the first hour of the party. It is going to be a long night.

**Chapter 2: Early Arrivals**

I made my way to the library where I would hopefully find the Gray Lady. I walked down a back aisle of bookcases in order to avoid the nasty glares of Madam Pince, who at times convinced me that I had done something wrong that I was not aware of.

As I approached an old desk in a far corner of the room, I saw the house ghost was there. She was contentedly reading, amidst a sea of dusty, leather-bound books.

I explained to her that I admired her scholarship and esteemed our friendship and would like to represent her as my inspiration for a Halloween guise.

She appeared to be genuinely touched I showed an interest in her and the world she once lived in.

She said that I should seek out a house elf who would lead me to a room in the castle that could accommodate all of my needs. I thanked her profusely and left the library, eager to reach the kitchens where I knew a house elf would be found.

**7:00 p.m. **

I made my way to London by apparition after having left the Hogwarts grounds. I arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place and was anxious to see what everyone else would come as. The other stipulation that Sirius and the Weasleys had made was that nobody should discuss beforehand what their costumes would be, so they would be a surprise.

I was dressed as the Gray Lady who lived during Medieval England. I looked similar to what she had been in life. I let my hair hang loose and had borrowed a tiara. My gown and robes were dark blue in honor of her House.

As I neared the doorway to the house, my excitement could no longer be contained. I knocked on the door and waited as patiently as I could…

A second later the door swung open. I jumped back in shock and gave a yelp. Taken aback for a moment, I then proceeded to laugh nervously. Two identical spiders greeted me and waved me in several times due to the multiple, hairy legs that danced in the air. Obviously, they were the Weasley twins.

"Mum, Professor Vector is here." I looked around and saw that I was early. No one had arrived yet.

"…coming, Fred….Septima, how are you, my dear?" said Molly Weasley with a smile. "You look lovely. Who are you supposed to be?" she inquired of my costume.

"The Grey Lady," I replied with a grin, and told her how I pulled everything together.

"Oh, I am sure she was thrilled that you honored her that way. I always liked her when Arthur and I were at school. I chose Helga Hufflepuff as my costume. I also admired her from what I learned in my History of Magic classes. The few things I retained from Professor Binns," she smiled. "She was accepting of everyone and I wish more people were like her. Have a seat and Arthur will fetch you a drink." Molly put an arm around me and coaxed me into a chair.

Mr. Weasley. That was a shock…but not if you knew him well. All in all, throughout the night, he was probably the most excited person at the party, including the children. He served food and drinks and was so animated it caused his curly, gray periwig to constantly stunt his vision and nearly slip off his head. He told me and later every guest who arrived that he was the greatest muggle of all--- George Washington.

Arthur handed me a glass of butterbeer and stated enthusiastically…"Septima, I can not tell a lie."(giggle) "Get it!"(giggle) He elbowed me with glee. Quite pleased with himself, he added, "I am just quoting President Washington…Fascinating man!"

It was then that Sirius Black came down the stairs and into the living room.

"Hello, Septima. Grey Lady, right? I saw her roaming the halls at night." He gave me a lop-sided, yet devilishly, charming smile. "I must say you really do her justice. I couldn't help but guess. Actually, excuse me for a moment, luv."

"Molly," said Sirius. "There is no way Ron is coming down unless Fred and George change their costumes. I tried talking to him about it but it seems that it's no help. I haven't even dressed myself yet. I'll check on him again later," he said, and made a helpless gesture with his shoulders.

"Really…" Molly made a noise in the back of her throat, and apparently began to talk to herself in the kitchen. However, I am sure it was meant for Ron's ears as well. "…a grown boy. Honest to goodness…there are worse creatures to be frightened of."

"Ron!" She peeped out of the kitchen door and I am quite sure that her voice carried to wherever Ron was upstairs. "You are being silly. You will be the laughingstock of the party." (This is where Molly was wrong, however.) "Your sister, Ginny, is down here and she is fine."

"Oh, well," said Molly. "He will come down when Harry and Hermione arrive with Professor Dumbledore.

Ginny, I noticed, looked adorable and was sitting on the couch with Fred and George playing Exploding Snap. She was dressed in a silver and white robe, with a silver horn atop her bright red hair. She was lovely as a baby unicorn.

Now that the initial surprise was over and I had seen Sirius and most of the Weaselys, I decided to sit back and relax with my butterbeer and await the next arrivals.


	3. Chapter 3: A Party in Full Swing

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

In which more members of the Order of The Phoenix arrive.

**Chapter 3: A Party In Full Swing**

Remus Lupin arrived next with Tonks not far behind him. They both greeted me and went to assist Molly in the kitchen but she refused their offer of assistance as well.

Lupin had not dressed up and was most likely the only adult getting out of it and understandably so. Tonks, in black leather and shredded clothing was a member of the Weird Sisters.

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger arrived with Professor Dumbledore. Harry was dressed as a griffin and Hermione as a house elf. Hermione, upon entering the house, proceeded to greet those of our party with a long-winded explanation of why she had chosen her particular costume, the meaning behind it, and why it was important due to the present conditions that house elves were experiencing. Furthermore, she felt that by representing them, due to the fact that they were…And I'll stop here. I've gone on far enough.

Fred and George Weasley remarked that their choice was brilliant. They had many spindly legs to choose from when they judged it necessary to plug their ears.

Dumbledore had arrived as a brilliantly, but tastefully plumed phoenix, in gold and many hued feathers.

He greeted me graciously and explained that Fawkes would be most disappointed with him if he posed as another magical creature.

Hagrid arrived soon after and went upstairs to meet Sirius. When they both came down it was quite a scene. Sirius had decided to dress as Hagrid. He borrowed a furry jacket and charmed it to be several sizes smaller.

"Actually, mate, our hair is quite similar. The beard took some time to charm though." He grinned and looked around at the guests.

Hagrid dressed from head to toe in brown explained that he was a bowtruckle, and everyone laughed. He shrugged his shoulders and offered a shy smile.

Sprout came with McGonagall who was dressed as Rowena Ravenclaw. Sprout as a fairy was too adorable to behold.

Ron finally came down to the living room and had to sit on the sofa between Fred and George. He was a sorry hippogriff for his feathers kept falling out due to the fact that the hairy spider legs that kept crawling on his arms and legs had to be slapped at repeatedly.

One of the very last to arrive was Flitwick, who came as a not so convincing dragon due to his small stature.

Though he did not strike terror into the hearts of the guests, he had charmed shiny scales, a spiked tail, and fire that was somewhat redeeming.

"I saw Mundungus Fletcher approaching the door on my way in," said Flitwick. "He is not dressed at all."

Mundungus knocked loudly at the door and Arthur Weasley let him in.

When asked what his costume was he shot back with, "Don't you fellas recognize a veela when you see one?" and fell asleep in an armchair in the corner. Nobody asked him where he was coming from.

Well most of the party seemed to be present; we were still waiting for Moody to show. I grabbed another butterbeer and thankfully I did, because the party would take a course I had not expected.


	4. Chapter 4: The Chamber of Secrets, Er,

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

I wish I had a butterbeer, too.

**Chapter 4: The Chamber of Secrets, Er, Has Been Opened Again**

Well, the party was progressing nicely and everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. Molly blasted Celestina Warbeck and the Weird Sisters on the Wizarding Wireless.

Tonks had asked Lupin to dance with her but he politely declined. No matter, she did alright moving to the music of the Weird Sisters by herself. Soon, most of the guests were enjoying the music and gaiety and talking animatedly to those around them.

And Warbeck…could that really be true about her and Lockhart? I wondered…no…couldn't be…

It was just then that a knock could be heard at the front door. Flitwick was nearest and recognized the knock of an Order member. It couldn't be Moody. He wasn't due to arrive for at least another hour…

Flitwick opened the door slightly and left it ajar.

His jaw dropped and he remained stunned into silence. His face immobile, still absorbing the shock.

It took no longer than mere seconds for all of the people in the room to stop what they were doing to gape in awe, disbelief, and including myself, horror.

It took me a few seconds to register. The only one to yell was Hagrid.

"WHAT THE RUDDY HELL…?"

Severus Snape was standing in the doorway. Well, not exactly Severus as we all knew him.


	5. Chapter 5: Enemies Of The Heir, Beware!

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

Silence…

**Chapter 5: Enemies Of The Heir, Beware!**

He appeared to be dressed as a snake.

Snape, had apparently, (with few experiences at parties and assuming he had not attended a Halloween bash in at least twenty years, if ever), gone last minute to a muggle shop and the rest is surely worthy of a mention in "Hogwarts: A History."

He had on his usual black robes although only pieces of the material were visible. On top of his robes was a stuffed snake costume with shiny green skin and bright green sequins. However, it was so puffy and badly sewn that he looked more like a dinosaur stuffed animal that a muggle child might own.

The costume, I might add again, not well made, pretty much covered his whole body and a huge stuffed tail with protruding scales trailed him in the back. It was this that Flitwick closed the door on, as Snape attempted to enter the doorway. Finally, in frustration, he entered sideways but noticed he still could not budge.

"Sorry, Professor Snape, let me get that for you," offered Flitwick.

Flitwick released the tail from the door and it fell with a loud thud to the ground.

Snape's eyes, nose, and mouth were barely visible. Strands of sweaty, greasy, black hair clung to his face and kept getting caught in his mouth. Atop his head was a huge stuffed snake head piece. Completely disproportionate with the rest of his rather hefty costume, the large bugged out snake eyes were two, red, felt pieces of cloth. Under his snake eyes flowed a large red, forked tongue that fell into Snape's face and was tangled at times between his triangular fangs of cloth.

Still in shock, the guests, one by one started to turn away and make the appearance of going back to what they were doing.

Snape, unable to stride as he did so often at work, could only wobble towards Molly Weasley.

A deep, soft voice emerged from near the snake's head. "Mrs. Weasley, I need to use the lavatory facilities."

I knew there was no way (to borrow Hagrid's stunned expression) in the ruddy hell that Snape could fathom asking Sirius Black at this very moment to use the loo.

Molly, speechless a first, merely pointed at the staircase. She then recovered and managed to get out with some difficulty, and supreme effort on her part, "Third door on the left, Professor Snape."

Snape nodded and his snake head shifted violently. He grabbed his tail under his arm and led with his right foot up each and every step.

It was not a second after he finally reached the top of the staircase and entered the bathroom that all ruddy hell, did indeed, break loose.


	6. Chapter 6: The Late Arrival

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

When we last left the party, all ruddy hell was about to break loose…

**Chapter 6: The Late Arrival**

In my estimation, the worst behaved was Sirius Black who was laughing so hard he appeared to be in convulsions.

He was slapping Hagrid on the back and was bent over double, hardly able to contain himself amongst his howling shrieks of laughter and his pain-staking moans of, "Oh…Sniv-ell-us…oh, no…no!"

Hagrid was crinkling his eyes like he still couldn't believe what he had just seen.

Snape's co-workers were laughing so hard that tears fell from their faces.

McGonagall offered to Flitwick as she caught her breath, "…and the next time he brags about Slytherin and the Quidditch Cup…"

Tonks was writhing and rolling around on the ground, breaking into fresh gales of giggles whenever she attempted to remove herself from the floor. That son-of-a-bitch had been merciless to her at school. Potions was an extremely difficult subject for a person as clumsy as herself. Lupin, who was standing, had tried to admonish her several times to not make fun of Severus, but even Lupin had to smile.

I heard raucous laughter over in the corner where the children sat. They seemed to have to get it out before their Potions Master returned. Harry looked at his godfather and was so happy to see him in such good spirits. The twins were preoccupied enough to even leave poor Ron alone, who was chuckling and looking relieved.

And as for myself…I had to work with Snape the next day, so all I could do was put a hand to my mouth and hope for the best when he finally decided to slither back from the loo.

It was then that a knock at the door was heard and Flitwick ran for the door and opened it.

Flitwick slapped a hand to his head, shook his head a few times, and announced, "Oh dear, Professor Moody is here."

Dumbledore, who I had taken no notice of since Snape's arrival, had turned towards the refreshment table and helped himself to a sweet. However, even with his back turned from the guests, I saw the shoulders of his tall frame slightly shaking and thought I heard low, muffled snickering.

Moody walked in and Merlin, NO! I thought.

Moody was dressed as Professor Snape.


	7. Chapter 7: Moody See, Moody Do

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

When we last left the party…Moody was dressed as Professor Snape, Professor Snape was still in the bathroom, and Professor Vector's nerves, shot as they were, had taken another blow.

**Chapter 7: Moody See, Moody Do**

Prior to Alistair Moody's arrival, there was some hope that the room would settle down before Snape returned. Once Moody walked into the living room, all possible hope for some semblance of order broke down as the guests had given up any thought of restraint and the room erupted into louder shouts of laughter.

Moody had actually broken his reserved demeanor for the holiday and was egged on by the encouragement. Constant Vigilance was on holiday as well.

"FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" he barked in a nasaly, high-pitched voice. Complete with his Irish brogue it was a terrible impersonation of Snape.

Moody had on black robes and a long black wig. Seeing his limping gait and magical eye while dressed as Snape, was just too much for all present.

After several Snape impressions that grew exceedingly worse yet got the crowd in hysterics, Molly informed Moody that Professor Snape was in the bathroom.

"Well, what is taking him so long to get down here?" grumbled Moody. "He has to see this…"

Moody though all the laughter was channeled at his genius costume, little did he know…

"He is in his lair, laying basilisk eggs." Sirius barked, laughing heartily and the room started up again.

I panicked. He would take it out on _me_ tomorrow. These people didn't have to be

around him as much at work, as I unfortunately had to. He would _never_ recover from this…!

I then decided that I would go and check on him.

I left the room and luckily, as I made my way upstairs to the bathroom, Severus was coming down the stairs shifting side to side like a muggle sumo wrestler and trying to maintain his balance.

I stopped him on the stairs so I could somehow prepare him before he entered the living room.

"I heard you fools from upstairs. I can hear the spectacle you are making of yourselves down there," said Snape, smirking.

"Er, no," I said. "No one is laughing…at you." I lied. "Well, not you exactly, Professor Moody has arrived, and he came as you."

Snape let out a growl and his eyes narrowed to slits. I followed him into the living room, careful to keep an eye on his tail.

"One jest directed at me from that decrepit dolt and…" he whispered

"Severus, I heard you were a basilisk. One of the most feared creatures in our world," Moody had unknowlingly defused the situation.

Sirius, with his lifelong hatred of Snape, of course, had to intervene. "Don't worry, Moody. This basilisk is harmless, not able to inflict too much damage. I'd worry about more about the snake's throat." Sirius pointed to where Snape's actual mouth was.

"How effective can a cross-eyed basilisk be?"

As Sirius howled with laughter, I noticed that the eyes on Snape's costume had indeed shifted and were now facing each other.


	8. Chapter 8: Kneazles Knowledge

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: The Stalking of Severus Snape**

A magical creature is incensed and magical assistance is required.

**Chapter 8: Kneazles Knowledge**

Severus Snape was not enjoying the Order of the Phoenix Halloween party in the least.

He had already lost a few pounds while wearing his costume, which was not healthy considering he already had quite a thin frame.

He sneered at Sirius Black, not appreciating his jeers, but he would not admit it in front of the guests.

Snape excused himself and hobbled back to Black's bathroom to check his reflection in the mirror once again. Not exactly his reflection but the basilisk's, who apparently had something dodgy going on with its eyes.

Septima and the guests could only gawk at him. He had barely been in the living room all night.

Dumbledore reached for another sweet and contemplated that individuals only had so much good luck and fortune in one lifetime. If Snape did not successfully make it down the stairs on his second trip, he could contact an old friend to fill the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts the next day.

Snape strode, I mean, walked in a manner similar to Moody, and proceeded to take the stairs cautiously, one at a time. He thought about the spell "levicorpus" but reasoned that even dark magic had its limits. No way was it powerful enough to lift both him and his snake costume.

Snape opened the door to the bathroom with one hand, turned gingerly, and backed up into the room tail first. When he turned to face the mirror, all of the toiletries and a set of shelves were knocked to the ground and lay askew on the floor.

Livid, he magicked them back nonverbally with "reparo" and attempted to glance in the mirror.

While he was preoccupied, he failed to notice Hermione Granger's pet Crookshanks at his feet, staring in annoyance that another creature had intruded upon his resting place.

Crookshanks knew that there was no way that this was a real basilisk. He wasn't sure what it was.

Never saw anything like this on sale at the "Magical Menagerie."

Never saw something similar in the forest by Hogwarts.

Racked his brain, and could not think of any foreign magical beast it could be.

No one sane would choose this particular creature as their animagus form.

Even if someone got a good price in the sale costume bin at a muggle Halloween store, they would never be daft enough to wear such a costume in public.

Not even the Weasley twins would think this was a joke.

Speaking of skill, Neville Longbottom, to Crookshank's knowledge, was not present this evening.

This was a new breed of creature, a la Hagrid. (Did he think he was stupid? Nice guy, but who is he kidding?)

It didn't matter. He was not a wizard and all he knew was that Hermione and her friends may be in danger.

After much deduction, Crookshanks chose #9…and decided to act on it.


	9. Chapter 9:Until You See the Whites Of

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 9: ...Until You See The Whites Of Their Eyes…**

Crookshanks knew it was not a basilisk because it was cross-eyed, for when one eye looked at him---he would have been dead. And obviously, plan #9, was very shortly going to be put into action so he was very much alive.

Crookshanks mused over the things that went through one's mind on the eve of battle. He had thought that it was always a shame that Mrs. Norris was petrified but got out of it for the most part unscathed---he couldn't _stand_ that cat.

Padfoot was fine…they got along very well. He hoped to see him once again downstairs--- if he survived.

Hermione…the day she claimed him for her own…the summer nights in France…

It was time to take charge. _His_ Hermione could be in danger because of this basilisk imposter. He didn't care about that Ron so much, but Hermione seemed to like him and that was good enough for him. Ron was lucky and got a pass.

Crookshanks assessed the situation, as a kneazle, I'm pretty smart. I can not be fooled that easily. Take Pettigrew for instance… I was on him like a doxy to a curtain. He tried and found out the hard way. However, he was a small rat. This "thing" before him in the loo might put up a fight. It may be a little difficult to take this one down.

Before Hermione owned me I had no one. I scrambled about looking to survive and for someone to love me. Like Mundungus Fletcher, I learned, unfortunately, from the streets and from the sheer necessity to survive. Kind of why I like old Fletcher a bit. Well, he also smelled like fish and chips and catfood at times…

That is how I know that even if this ugly "thing" was not a basilisk…any creature….you go for the eyes---that is their most vulnerable spot.

Oh, well. Here goes nothing…

**DOWNSTAIRS AT THE PARTY…**

Everyone was occupied. They were chatting amiably, listening to music, and drinking butterbeers.

All of a sudden I heard some muffled sounds and then a crash. Some hissing and screeching but I tried to ignore what I heard, not letting on that something was amiss.

However, there were several loud thumps and crashes that followed this and than another very loud crashing sound.

"Probably some muggle kids outside," grumbled Moody.

However, the noises grew louder and did not stop.

The guests at the party drew their wands…

Just to be sure, Flitwick looked out of the peephole of the door at 12 Grimmauld Place. Not satisfied, he raised his wand and cautiously opened the front door. He glanced quickly up and down the street and then ascertained that the noises were coming from upstairs…near the bathroom.

I had already suspected that the noises were coming from the bathroom after I walked toward the stairwell nonchalantly, and heard what was going on…

I excused myself and said that I was going upstairs to check on Snape and to see if he needed any assistance.

Sirius, trying to keep a straight face, remarked that according to his godson and Ron and Hermione, basilisks usually frequented bathrooms and they seemed to rather like them.

Sirius' dark eyes met Harry's and he grinned at his godson. Harry beamed in adoration and with pride at his godfather.

When I approached the stairs, the yells and thrashing noises grew even louder…

I opened the door slowly and the sight that met my eyes was not to be believed…


	10. Chapter 10: Drawing One's Claws

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

In which Crookshanks shows his mettle.

**Chapter 10: Drawing One's Claws**

The bathroom was completely destroyed. Shelves, shower curtain, and all of the visible contents were shattered and strewn on the floor.

Items from the medicine cabinet had also fallen and were sprawled underneath, er, the basilisk's feet.

Snape's costume was slashed in various places and stuffing was coming out of rips in the material.

The snake's eyes were dangling from atop the snake head, where Crookshanks sat, unmoving, and staring at me in surprise as I walked in.

The ironic thing was that Snape and Crookshanks had the same expression of alarm on their faces. Well, the little part of Snape's face that was visible---not the snake head.

Crookshanks had sunk his sharp claws into the eyes of the snake head piece and when I approached him, he hissed at me and would not let go.

Snape didn't say a word. I almost got the impression that they were both now pretending that nothing had happened, there was no mess, and that I was a bit daft and seeing things.

"Severus," I only referred to him by his given name in times of seriousness or distress. "I won't ask you a thing…only step outside and let me clear this…er, mess."

Snape wobbled out of the bathroom, Crookshanks still firmly attached to his snake head.

I magicked the contents to be repaired and put in their proper place. This took some time after the severe damage the room and the objects had sustained.

When I finished, I still could not get Crookshanks to let go of Snape.

I informed Snape that regrettably, he would have to go back downstairs…

The snake head nodded, and Crookshanks bobbed with the head, holding on for dear life. The snake's "neck" smirked at me.

When we went downstairs, I saw that Fletcher was finally sitting up after a very long nap which had lasted the entire duration that we had been at the party. He and the Weasley twins were whispering conspiratorially…never a good sign.

I lead Snape by his felt fangs to steady both him and the angry kneazle on his head.

The guests' jaws dropped as I lead Snape to a very large lounge chair where he sat down.


	11. Chapter 11: Helping Hands

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

In which Crookshanks mentally prepares for the future.

**Chapter 11: Helping Hands**

Everyone stood back as I made further attempts to remove Crookshanks from Snape's snake head. He had tried in vain to reach his arms up and slap Crookshanks off, but his costume was too heavy and puffy in the arms. With one paw, Crookshanks repeatedly tried to slap back, and he only seemed to scratch Snape more.

Sirius Black pressed his fist to his mouth, his eyes watering, and he left the room with Harry and Ron. They said they had to get more butterbeers out of the celler. I later found out that Minerva and Molly had admonished him and told him the Order meetings would suffer if he did not pull himself together and stop laughing at Snape. Sirius, in a jolly mood, had reluctantly agreed.

Hermione stepped forward to hand Crookshanks a treat in an attempt to get the sputtering, hissing kneazle off of Snape's snake head.

Snape, astounded, replied in disgust, "You are rewarding this abominable creature, no wonder it acts so." It was a little easier to ignore him and not be afraid when you looked at the snake head as opposed to his actual face.

Hermione made many more attempts to placate her pet. "Crookshanks, DOWN, DOWN! Stop this! It is only Professor Snape."

Crookshanks, horrified, finally let go in disgust.

He had heard rumors of Professor Snape's lack of good hygiene practices. Supposedly, he had never met a human or a bottle of shampoo that he liked.

Crookshanks jumped off of the snake head in alarm and slinked over to the couch. He nestled on a pillow and rolled himself into a ball.

He began to lick himself furiously.

Hermione had better take him to a creature medical expert immediately after the party ended.

He assumed he would need a routine check up to see if he would be alright.

She had better appreciate him. He had given up many years of good health in order to see that she was protected.

Meanwhile, Professor Snape was attempting to get out of the chair. It took all of us several pulls to realize that he was stuck and that he wouldn't be moving anytime soon.


	12. Chapter 12: Snakes And Pipes

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

The Chamber is almost closed, but not quite.

**Chapter 12: Snakes and Pipes**

After several pulls, no one could release the basilisk, I mean, Snape, from Sirius's father's old arm chair.

It seemed that the tail was stuck and the bulky costume did not help either.

Hagrid, who had been in another room trying to contact Maxime to inviter her to the party, was ushered back into the living room by Minerva. Thankfully, Hagrid was able to assist Snape out of his chair.

He placed Snape down on his feet and the snake head's "neck" shot him a filthy look, yet it looked relieved to be free from the confines of the chair.

Between that attack by Crookshanks and the time Snape spent stuck in the chair, it seemed a lot of time had passed since his first unsuccessful venture to the loo. Now Snape really had to use it for the second time this evening.

Everyone followed Professor Snape with their eyes as he wobbled off to the bathroom yet again, taking the stairs one at a time.

This time things were different. It was not spoken, but the tension in the air was heavy. Could he make it back safely a third time?

I gave him five minutes. When he didn't come down, I excused myself and went up to check.

This time the door was open and Snape was putting his fingers down the sink. One basilisk eye was down the drain. With the fear of Sirius or the guests laughing at him in the forefront of his mind, Snape was fishing around the drain frantically. I had never seen him move this quickly before.

It would not be easy. The Black's had placed special enchantments on their home that were still being discovered with attempts made to remove them.

I walked in and closed the door. I didn't want to risk anyone seeing what Snape was up to. This was truly the worst Halloween party experience a person could ever encounter and I felt sorry for him. Also, I wanted to minimize further psychological damage. I had to work with Snape the next day.

After many futile attempts to retrieve the eye, I told Snape that if we stepped into the hallway I could possibly magick him a new eye. He agreed reluctantly and I put my hand on the bathroom knob and turned. Unfortunately, the door to the bathroom would not open, the knob was possibly enchanted or stuck, and so were we.

I began to silently curse the old house and the Black ancestors. Concealment spells, fine, but the bathroom? But Snape hadn't had a problem before….I pondered my awful luck for a moment. We must have touched or done something.

I even cursed Kreacher out loud for a few seconds. I could care less if Hermione could hear me! I could not suffer one more incident this evening. This was the last…it had to be.

Snape was quiet. It was very hard to see a reaction to our predicament or even my unruly swearing. His costume dwarfed the room and the snake head practically covered his face. I thought I saw the basilisk's "neck" smirking slightly, however.

Speaking of hearing, with the music and the butterbeers, and Moody's shouts of "FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" would anyone even check on us at all?


	13. Chapter 13: The Chamber Is Opened One

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

In which Professors Snape and Vector find themselves in a tight spot.

**Chapter 13: The Chamber Is Opened One Last Time**

**2 Hours Later…**

After I argued with the snake over who locked the door for nearly two hours, I was ready to choke a certain Potions professor with a red, forked tongue made out of felt…

Snape, irate, insisted that snakes do not have arms or hands, and considering I was an insufferable know-it-all, I should know _that._

We heard a knock at the bathroom door and it was Minerva.

"Severus, Septima, Are you both alright?" Minerva shouted through the door.

"Fine, what took you so long?" I said.

"Er, we thought that…maybe…the both of you were…indisposed." Minerva said hesitantly.

I ignored this statement for a moment.

"Minerva, we are locked in somehow." I then heard her attempting to open the door.

"Oh, well, let me go to the living room and get some assistance. I will be back very shortly."

We both heard McGonagall walk back down the stairs.

I turned to Snape in shock.

"They…they thought we were snogging!" I yelled in horror and utter embarrassment.

As I turned to the basilisk, I saw 3 eyes roll at me.

Sirius, Mundungus, and Minerva returned.

Sirius offered directions.

"Everyone look down to the floor. Septima, turn on the shower knobs and let it flood. At the very least, we'll all be petrified when…when we open the door." Sirius was laughing so hard he barely choked out the last few words.

"That's quite enough," Minerva said stiffly.

Snape was patting his costume fervently and looking for his wand.

"NO! SNAPE! STOP IT!"

The people on the other side grew silent. Sirius' barks of laughter ceased. Then I heard Black's muffled chuckles. I hoped they still didn't believe we were snogging.

"Really, Snivellus…oh, dear, you poor girl…" said Sirius.

"Sirius, I can not ask you to go downstairs in your own house, but if you insist on…" rattled off an agitated McGonagall.

Mundungus Fletcher cut them off with a…"Let me by, will ya." and we heard him fiddling with something near the keyhole to the door.

"Good I keep things handy. I know some muggles out in London…showed me how to do this…"

Fletcher shimmied the lock and opened the door with some plastic utensils and we were freed.

"Professor Snape, I suggest that you do not use the, er, facilities the rest of the evening," said McGonagall stoically.

We all followed a convulsing Sirius Black down the stairs.


	14. Chapter 14: The Chamber Is Closed

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

It's been a long night for Professor Snape. A night, he wishes never to repeat…but alas, he will.

**Chapter 14: The Chamber Is Closed**

Severus Snape was standing near the refreshment table in the living room with a tankard of firewhiskey in his hand.

Molly and I had attempted to fix the rips in his costume and the scratches on his face to no avail. He was not letting anyone near him. He wasn't sure what could possibly happen to him next.

Arthur Weasley decided to approach him.

"Professor Snape, did I tell you that I was dressed as George Washington?" he exclaimed in glee, as if the whole room wasn't sure already.

"Fascinating," said a skulking Snape. However, his look said, _Does it look like I care, Weasley?_

Molly said nothing. She was thrilled after she heard about the utensils Fletcher used to open the door. She had sent Arthur and Ron earlier to a store in London to purchase muggle plastic utensils. The Black family silver was carefully stowed away.

Crooskshanks was lying on the couch. He had decided that since he was dying, he would donate all of his toys to the Magical Menagerie and his organs to the apothecary in Diagon Alley.

He wistfully regretted that he would never see France with Hermione again.

Fred and George congratulated Fletcher on a job well done. They had once had to pick a door at Harry's house. When their mother shot them a filthy look they halted the conversation---quickly.

Sirius Black felt terrible about Snape's snake eye.

"Snivellus, I am sure Harry could have retrieved it. My godson speaks Parseltongue."

Minerva and Molly both shot him a look. He eyed his godson and smiled.

There was a knock at the door and Flitwick looked out of the hole.

"This is quite enough. Would someone else be kind enough to answer the door? I will not do it."

When the door opened we saw that Maxime had arrived.

However, she was dressed as Fluffy.

Professor Snape, amid people beside themselves with laughter, slammed his firewhiskey down and left.

Molly felt really bad. "We actually got him to stay with us a bit…maybe not for dinner, but…"

I turned to the Weasley twins. The rough thing about being a professor and living at Hogwarts was owling out sick.

"Fred, George, tell me about that candy you are making…."


	15. Chapter 15: Dodging Dodgy Owls

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own, nor did I create, nor do I seek to profit from the characters or the Harry Potter books. This is just for fun. Severus Snape claims that the author will pay for this second round of humiliation. Dearly.

I have told the Gringotts auditors repeatedly that I have no galleons.

**PART 2**

**Chapter 15: Dodging Dodgy Owls**

**ONE YEAR LATER…**

Halloween was in a week and parties were being planned all over the British Isles. It is a time when pumpkins lit with candles floated over the banquet tables at Hogwarts, and young children crowded the streets of Diagon Alley hoping for sweets. Even ghosts and other assorted magical beings held their own celebrations and festivities.

This was also the time of year Professor Severus Snape dreaded almost as much as Valentine's Day and Christmas. There was not a memory charm in existence or a branch of the Dark Arts that could rid him of the horrors he had experienced last year at the Order of the Phoenix Halloween party.

He had already looked into it.

He would, nonetheless, be invited again. He was quite sure it was inevitable.

However, he would be taking several precautions to have himself "uninvited" this year.

Charon, Snape's owl, entered the dungeons after being summoned from the owlery to Professor Snape's office.

Snape was at his desk marking Potions exams. He despised giving Granger bonus points. However, the insufferable know-it-all always managed to answer the questions correctly. Dumbledore felt that students should be offered incentives to research their class independently and more in depth.

Not all of the students attained extra credit. Professor Snape made the questions exceedingly difficult---on purpose, of course.

He slowly raised his head when he heard his owl swoop in.

"Charon, you will not accept any parchment from anyone that looks like an invitation. Be very aware of what you are handed this week when you collect my mail. If a particular piece of mail looks like an invitation, you have my permission to "misplace" it at your own discretion."

Charon nodded and tried to block out all thoughts of Professor Snape's costume from last year unsuccessfully.

Charon could not believe that he belonged to one of the most accomplished occlumens in modern wizarding times. He let out a breath of frustration and hoped Snape did not notice. You would think he would bloody pick up a thing or two on how to do it properly after being in Snape's possession for so long, he thought to himself. It would have come in handy as he strove to block the memory of his master's Halloween costume.

Snape dismissed Charon and the owl headed back to the owlery.

However, Charon did not like this request. He had a reputation as a first rate, dependable owl. He had won the "Eeylops' Top 10 Owls in the Wizarding World Award" three years in a row. He had been sired by Hades Malfoy, a famous owl, and his mother had been a Black. Snape seemed to enjoy this award as much as possessing the House Cup, because he rubbed it into the rest of the staff's faces that even his owl was superior to theirs.

Not that Snape enjoyed that his owl was technically related to Sirius's family owls.

Didn't Snape realize that no one would believe this rubbish? That he had "accidentally lost" an invitation. However, Snape had raised him since he was a baby owl and Charon, er, cared about him in his own way.

Charon thought that there was no way in hell he was going to be in the same league as Errol Weasley. Then again, the bloke was on his last wing. He pitied him. He could barely fly let alone in a straight line!

He would be the laughingstock of the owlery, and Charon had noticed how nice Grace, the tawny owl's feathers were just the other day…

But he knew better than to cross his master, and really, it wasn't like he didn't want to help him.

He would think of something. Charon was a Slytherin, after all…


	16. Chapter 16: A Summons

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 16: The Summons**

Professor Snape sat in a green chair in his study and read quietly. He had an ongoing account with Flourish and Blotts to receive the latest potions books that were published. He had thought about writing his own one day, but for now he was far too busy…

He closed his book and reached over slowly to his mahogany end table. He retrieved his silver goblet with the Slytherin crest and took a sip of elf-made wine.

No meetings, no paperwork, no Vector…it had been a glorious day. They were few and far between. These periods of time when he was left completely alone…and furthermore, not one murmur of a Halloween party had reached his ears.

He marveled at his luck.

Halloween was in two days and so far no invitations had been brought to his attention. Charon claimed he had been approached by no one and when he swooped in to the dungeons to deliver the mail daily, nothing had slipped in either.

Snape had originally thought that maybe Charon did not wish to distress him and had disposed of an invitation knowingly.

If that was the case, so be it.

If so, then Snape had trained his owl well, a true Slytherin…

Or maybe, he was just extremely fortunate after last year's debacle.

What were the odds that every holiday was spoiled for him year after year when all he wanted was to be left alone?

Snape smiled nastily to himself. He may even enjoy this holiday.

Snape's smirk suddenly turned to a frown. It had been one disaster after another at the Order of the Phoenix party last October.

However, he still kept the costume in an old wooden box in his stores.

As a reminder, that he would never be put in such a position again.

He tried to remind the fates that his adolescence was over almost 20 years ago.

Merlin, however, seemed to have a sense of humor.

**That Night…**

Severus Snape sat up quickly in his bed.

He rolled up the sleeve of his gray nightshirt and looked down. The mark that had been lighter for days was now dark and glowing.

He rose and changed into his robes.

He was being summoned by the Dark Lord.


	17. Chapter 17: A Master's Plan

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 17: A Master's Plan**

Lord Voldemort stood regally outside on the grounds of the dilapidated Riddle House.

Soon he was encircled by black-cloaked figures in silvery, skeletal masks.

"I see that all of my servants are accounted for," said a high, cruel voice, "we can begin."

"As you all know, it is October and Halloween is drawing near," the Dark Lord said coldly.

"It has come to my attention that the Order of the Phoenix held a Halloween party last year."

Several of the Death Eaters turned to look at one another.

"It is unfortunate that details are scarce, due to the fact that Dumbledore is the secret keeper of the abode where the party was held," Voldemort hissed.

"I thought it best that I throw my own. Why should that fool of a wizard get all of the…"

The Death Eaters shook their head in agreement.

"You will all accept my invitation or suffer my displeasure, resulting in very severe consequences for failing to do so. Am I quite clear?"

Severus Snape could not believe what he was hearing. Of course, he had to report some details to the Dark Lord. However, how this was relevant…

"In the matter of costumes, food, libations, ours will be…better," said the Dark Lord.

"Wormtail, I will give you instructios that you will carry out. However, you are not to oversee every aspect of the "party planning." You will seek my approval over every detail. The Dark Lord has a reputation to uphold, of course. You will not fail me, Wormtail. Others are only dreaming of joining my ranks,' said Voldemort in a threatening tone.

Wormtail kneeled and kissed the hem of his master's robes.

He did not exactly see the crowds rushing to join Voldemort.

He opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it.

He only had one good hand left.

"Might I remind you all…anyone who fails me can be replaced or is expendable. Now, any ideas for a theme will be placed in the box near Nagini."

"You may go. Invitations will be forthcoming. R.S.V.P. by the date…think about what I have just said."

The Death Eaters apparated as did Severus Snape.


	18. Chapter 18: The Chamber Opens Once More

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 18: The Chamber Opens Once More**

Severus Snape sat at his desk in the dungeons and stared at the invitation in his hand. Charon knew better than to attempt "losing" an invitation from the Dark Lord.

The invitation was glowing bright red where the eyes of the snake were at the very top of the enchanted piece of parchment. The rest of the invitation was green. It was long and undulated much as a real snake would.

His worst fears had just been confirmed. The Dark Lord was going through with his Halloween party. Even worse---costumes were mandatory. Failure to show up properly attired---Snape did not wish to dwell on it.

It was also noted that evil sympathizers or anyone with loyalties to the Dark Lord, anyone that could not stand either Dumbleodore or Harry Potter, could accompany Snape as a guest. With so many Death Eaters dying or being carted off to Azkaban, Snape assumed the Dark Lord was "networking."

Snape thought about it and then hurriedly put his invitation down.

He had been hesitating. He knew deep down it was inevitable, but he had pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. However, this invitation stated plainly that he would have to go through with it.

Snape arose from his chair and swept off to his stores, his black robes billowing out behind him.

He opened the door and reluctantly climbed up the narrow ladder and retrieved a dusty box from the very top shelf.

He climbed back down slowly and placed the old box on his desk.

He hesitated once more before opening the box.

He winced and bared his teeth.

He removed the top and placed it on his desk.

He looked down and all of the memories flooded back from last year at the dreaded Order of the Phoenix Halloween party.

Snape was looking down at the basilisk costume.


	19. Chapter 19: Making Plans

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 19: Making Plans**

Professor Vector entered Snape's office and paused in front of his desk.

"Er, Snape, I need to have a word with you," she hesitated, with both arms behind her back, swinging on the balls of her feet.

"So do I," said Snape still staring at the invitation on his desk.

"The Order is going out to celebrate Halloween this year. We are going to The Three Broomsticks, I think, and we were wondering…"

"Fine," spat Snape, looking up and narrowing his eyes at her. "I have to go out anyway that evening. Dumbledore will not leave me in peace until I agree, of course," said Snape sneeringly.

"However, there is a catch, Vector, and I am sure Dumbledore will agree with me if I am to accept your invitation. You will dress as a hag if I accompany you." (Snape knew that Dumbledore would agree with anything to get Snape out to a social event.) "And there is a party later on and you shall join me there as well," said Snape smoothly.

"Which party?" Professor Vector looked perplexed. _Who in their right mind would invite Snape?_

"The Dark Lord's," said Snape softly.

"OH NO! Merlin, NO! Snape," shouted Vector in disbelief.

"This is also Order business, Vector. I insist if I am to wear that insufferable costume yet again…"

Professor Vector's jaw dropped. She had not anticipated this.

"Why don't you get another, newer costume, Snape," coaxed Vector cautiously. "Er, we already saw you in that one," she offered hopefully. Thoughts of the unsightly snake costume coiled in her mind.

Snape scowled. "Where do you suggest I procure another one on such short notice?"

Septima guessed that nothing could be worse than the last costume.

"After all, I might add, why should I not represent Slytherin House and its symbol?" queried Snape unconvincingly.

Vector wanted to point out that it was her belief that Salazar Slytherin was still turning in his grave from last year. However, she restrained herself.

Professor Vector nodded weakly and left. She headed for the library.


	20. Chapter 20: Ready To Strike

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 20: Ready To Strike**

Severus Snape stood near the door to his office in the dungeons. He did not sit in his green armchair as he waited for Professor Vector to arrive. He had learned in the past that by doing so, in this particular costume, he would not be able to get up.

If, by chance, he remained stuck, the Dark Lord would be extremely displeased with him for not showing up to the party.

Severus Snape was costumed as a basilisk. The same costume as last year that he purchased last minute at a sales bin in a muggle costume shop.

He wore his usual black robes and a stuffed snake costume with glistening material for snake skin and bright sequins over the robes. Might I remind you from the last party, that it was so badly sewn that he looked more like a dinosaur stuffed animal popular with small muggle children. (The dinosaur's name begins with a "B.")

The costume, which we have already established was not well-made, was finished off with a stuffed, scaly tail that trailed for at least a foot. For a man that was at least 6'2" the costume was fairly wide as he was tall. Snape estimated that when taken off, the costume weighed nearly as much as he did.

Snape's eyes, nose, and mouth were barely visible. He had worn the costume for only ten minutes and already the strands of his own black hair were sweaty and clung to the parts of his face that were seen. His hair had not gotten caught in his mouth yet, but the night was young.

A huge stuffed snake head sat atop Professor Snape's own head. It was much larger than the snake body portion of the costume. Two red pieces of cloth rested on the large bugged out eyes of the basilisk head. A large, red forked tongue that almost completely covered Snape's actual face (which was now part of the snake's head) spilled forth from right under the red felt eyes from his triangular, white-clothed teeth.

Snape waddled to the door of his office and stepped out sideways to wait for Vector in the hallway.

The "basilisk" stood still and its neck sneered at the shocked stares it viewed on the faces of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.

However, the "basilisk" was not entirely sure that the three Slytherins recognized their Head of House.


	21. Chapter 21: RSVP & Away With Thee

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

Chapter 21: R.S.V.P. & Away With Thee

"Severus Snape and guest?" roared the Dark Lord. "Wormtail, are you quite sure there has not been some misunderstanding?"

"No, my Lord, he contacted me and confirmed as you asked," replied Wormtail cowering.

"Alecto?" queried the Dark Lord.

"No, Master."

"…some woman from Knockturn Alley?"

"No."

"Not the girl that threw a butterbeer at him in school, perhaps?" Voldemort had heard about this from Bellatrix.

"No, Master. I am not sure who it is. Should I tell him you are displeased and…"

No, Wormtail. I am not displeased, merely surprised."

The Dark Lord was confused and thought he had read the return card wrong. _No matter, their cause could always utilize new contacts,_ he thought.

_However, Snape? _He pondered the idea again. If this was Wormtail's idea of a joke, the Dark Lord did not find it humorous.

Professor Snape and Professor Vector made their way from the dungeons to the Great Hall.

Professor Vector had transfigured herself into a hag, as promised. Dumbledore had insisted that anything that could encourage Snape to socialize was warranted, much to Vector's chagrin. She had browsed through _Holidays with Hags_ knowing that there would be many glossy pictures of hags that she could use to help her transfigure. There were more photos of Lockhart, but she just quickly breezed through them. Any relevant or useful written information, she could find in other books that were not "penned" by Gilderoy. She had told Snape that she researched her disguise in the Hogwarts Library. If he knew she had used Lockhart's book, she would never hear the end of it. Actually, she would like to keep the peace. She had been in his presence for less than 15 minutes and he had not asked why she had even bothered to transfigure into a hag.

* * *

_Vector's hag costume was horrible_, thought Snape. Snape never believed he would see the day where he would thank Merlin on bended knee (not on bended knee exactly in this costume) that the snake headpiece fairly blocked his vision.

Dumbledore had also seen them leaving the castle. He coughed and tried not to smile too much, as he waved cheerily at both professors and wished them a grand evening. He lingered a little long in the Great Hall and hoped they had not noticed.

"Vector, I need to use the lavatory facilities." Snape wished that he hadn't had anything to drink before putting on his costume. However, firewhiskey was the only way he could block out the visions of last year. Occlumency had its limitations.

Vector grinned. He noticed she only had three teeth. "Snape, if you do not come back, I am going without you. Remember, last year, you have no luck with loos."

The snake neck smirked and headed off to the lavatory. How he would like to forget the incident. That would be very hard to do this evening. Hopefully, the costume caused no further embarrassment.

_However, how could he turn down the Dark Lord? And Dumbledore could be pushier than a goblin at times, hence their jaunt to The Three Broomsticks, before the Dark Lord's party._

Professor Vector, on the other hand, had wanted to leave quickly. She glanced into a mirror in the hall and fixed her greasy, gray hair and patted her warty nose. She hoped nobody saw her leave with Snape.

She also reached into her pocket and felt for the mirror. They were meeting the teachers and a few acquaintances. Sirius was at 12 Grimmauld Place with the children this evening. However, if they needed them he had given her a mirror to contact them immediately. Professor Vector did not tell Snape about it yet. She felt Sirius had an alternative reason as well.


	22. Chapter 22: A Motley Assemblage

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 22: A Motley Assemblage**

When Professors Snape and Vector arrived at The Three Broomsticks, they were bombarded by greetings from the Order, much to Snape's consternation. The guests from last year's party refrained from laughing at Snape's basilisk costume---at least to his face (which was concealed, for the most part, by the snake head piece.)

Mundungus Fletcher was dressed as an inferi. Ironically, he was out on parole from Azkaban for the same offense.

Remus Lupin was not dressed as usual. Nymphadora Tonks, whom most of the patrons of the Broomsticks backed away from, had morphed into a werewolf to show her support and obvious care for Lupin.

Arthur Weasley was dressed as Abraham Lincoln and most of the crowd had no idea who he was supposed to be, for they had only absorbed so much in Muggle Studies as youths. Molly was dressed in full Civil War regalia and was "President Lincoln's" wife and First Lady, Mary Lincoln. (Arthur had talked her into it.) It was only because he had agreed to throw away his collection of muggle batteries and spark plugs that were now secretly stashed in the desk drawer of his office at the Ministry. Kinglsey Shacklebolt had found it quite amusing when he walked into Arthur's office to brief him and found Arthur lovingly holding up a plug in his hand. He had sworn a solemn oath not to tell his wife.

It was then that Professor Vector's mirror that Sirius Black had lent her for the evening glowed. She opened the clasp and lifted the top.

Sirius had agreed to watch the younger Weaselys, Harry, and Hermione while the adults had gone out for the evening. It was o.k. He didn't mind. Sirius and his godson could still monitor the comings and slitherings of the "basilisk" from 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Hello, Septima. Great costume!"

"Hello, Sirius, Molly wants to know how the children are doing."

"Playing exploding snap in the living room…by the way, has the basilisk ventured to the…the loo yet?"

Septima pulled the mirror away from her face. The laughs and catcalls were so loud. She only hoped that Snape had not noticed. He was busy looking around the pub, miserably.

"Er, he is fine. Tell them to calm down a bit. Molly will contact you soon."

"Alright, Septima. Just…tell him…to watch for the rooster's call…it may prove fatal."

Septima closed the mirror on the loud bark of laughter that followed.


	23. Chapter 23: Which Witch

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 23: Which Witch**

Septima noticed that Snape continued to look around the room in misery. Septima was about to say something to him when she was distracted by Moody, who had also not gone costume shopping this year. Vector assumed that the response he got last year was too tempting for the old, grizzled wizard. Moody was once again dressed as Professor Snape and was swooping around in his glory, much like last year.

Moody was still deducting House points and sneering. He continued to use all the ammunition in his arsenal for a gross impersonation of Snape that had those around them beside themselves with mirth and bent over in hysterics.

Vector steered Snape quickly away from the crowd before the "basilisk" could strike. It took some time because the costume was so heavy. The "Constant Vigilance" had gone far enough in her estimation. Moody was so enthusiastic, it was exhausting.

Professor Snape then proceeded to pat the side of his costume. She dearly hoped he was not trying to draw his wand…

She was interrupted for a moment, because she thought she heard faint snickering…it was then that the mirror glowed and vibrated.

Septima lifted the mirror. It was Sirius and the children again.

"Hello, Septima. How is the party at the Broomsticks? More importantly how is the basilisk doing? Has he slithered to the loo yet?"

Snape had heard this time and let out a breath of frustration which moved the basilisk head's red tongue around.

Vector noticed that Sirius and the kids were certainly holding down the fort. She knew they would be monitoring the basilisk's activities all evening.

"Relay to that fool…that if he makes one more jest, I will gladly…" Snape stopped and tried to look into the mirror over Septima's shoulder.

His eyes met those of Sirius Black's….

"Good evening, Snivellus. I just wanted you to know that Crookshanks…well, he sends his best," offered Sirius.

The shouts of laughter ended as Vector snapped the mirror abruptly shut.

The party was still in full swing an hour later. Septima drank her punch that was smoking from a black goblet that resembled a mini-cauldron. It was now safe to do so. It had taken nearly that amount of time to recover from the staff's costumes…and Snape's.

Hagrid was dressed, to no one's surprise, as a blast-ended skrewt. She marveled that the pub had not burnt to the ground yet. Three other Hogwarts staff members, most likely remembering the reception Mad-Eye Moody received at last year's party, were costumed as three people they did not particularly care for.

Sprout was Rita Skeeter, McGonagall was Dolores Umbridge, and Flitwick made quite the charming Gilderoy Lockhart. Septima only wished that Aurora were here.

It was most likely Flitwick who got the most laughs. He had on a ridiculous, wavy blonde wig, and informed anyone who asked bout it that it was very similar to the one Gilderoy wore. Flitwick was too polite to approach other people and tell them this; it was more of a suggestion and only if they asked. However, the seed was planted and several Lockhart fans were determined to look into this revelation---the following day.

"Oh, you weren't aware that he wears a…" was repeated several times that evening. "…could be wrong, though," said Flitwick innocently.

Septima looked around and overheard Fleur tell Molly that she liked another woman's Celestina Warbeck costume. Also, that it was a shame that Celestina was pretty but couldn't sing. Molly grimaced and led Arthur (President Lincoln) over to the bar.

Septima was rather enjoying herself, so she sidled up to Snape. However, she could not have chosen a more inopportune time. It was then that her mirror went off and the staff, Molly, and Arthur walked over to see if everything was well at Sirius' house.

"Hello, Septima. Tell that lot that we are fine and we hope they are having a great time. I heated Molly's leftovers after the exploding snape game broke up. Where's Snape?" asked Sirius politely.

She knew he had to ask.

"He's fine, er, quite well," Septima offered weakly.

Sirius' eyes looked out from the mirror. The slate gray eyes caught a sole basilisk neck drinking firewhiskey.

"Awwww! Are there any toads at the party?"

McGonagall, in costume, looked about ready to raise her hand, but restrained herself.

"Er, no," replied Septima.

"Shame, isn't it?" replied Sirius, "he could have laid some eggs…looks like he needs some basilisk mates."


	24. Chapter 24: Cocktails And Wormtail

**Late Arrivals And Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 24: Cocktails And Wormtail**

Professors Vector and Snape entered the Riddle House where they were ushered in by Amycus, who apparently was working the door and checking to make sure only invited guests were allowed in.

Yet again, Wormtail could not see rushing crowds stampeding to get in. He, of course, did not tell the Dark Lord this. He wanted to hold on to his other hand; the silver one constantly itched at the wrist and Voldemort told him repeatedly what an "ungrateful piece of vermin he was." Eventually, when he killed him in his sleep, when he was no longer useful, Voldmort vowed to take the silver hand back. Someone else with more sense would surely appreciate his magical wandwork.

Amycus was costumed and tipping his hat to the ghost of his former House, Slytherin. He made a very unconvincing Bloody Baron. When asked what the silver dribble was down his waistcoat, he proudly said it was actual unicorn blood. Snape knew he was daft but not this daft.

Alecto, his sister, also stood near the door to get a glimpse of her love, Snape. Her love, but unfortunately, Snape did not feel the same and had made that very clear to her in the past. She was very disappointed when he merely nodded at her upon entering. She had heard rumors that he was in love with someone, but her contact, who feared Snape, would never even divulge possible women it could be.

Alecto was dressed as a veela, surely wishful thinking on her part, even though her brother had told her that even veelas had no effect on Snape's self-control.

"She wishes," muttered Snape.

"What was that, Severus?" asked Septima quietly.

"Nothing," Snape said softly. He was a bit fatigued. Cursing out Sirius Black the whole journey over had drained him of his energy. Also, attempting to wrangle the mirror from Vector's hag claws had also made him quite put out.

Snape and his hag were soon greeted by several other Death Eaters. Thankfully, hags always looked like they were not smiling because Vector knew these evil people and was completely disgusted to be among their ranks this evening.

Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were dressed as Phineaus Nigellus and Araminta Black respectively, in honor of their deceased relations. Snape had enough of Nigellus in his visits to Dumbledore's office and wished not to be reminded of the blasted portrait. Snape would never let Nigellus know that his relatives had honored him, he would be puffed up for days more than he usually was. However, Snape would inform him that if his heir, Sirius Black, did not refrain from insulting his basilisk costume, the House of Black would soon be heirless and only a memory.

So far everyone had ignored Snape's horrific-looking date. Lucius had pulled Narcissa aside and said she would have to make eye contact with her sometime this evening. The Dark Lord wished to ally with hags in the upcoming war.

Others were shocked and said nothing. They knew the Dark Lord highly respected Severus Snape. He had told them in a fury once that he would take ten of Snape over them. He never said it again after Bellatrix raised her hand and offered to kill her husband, marry the Dark Lord, and give him as many sons and loyal followers as he wished. Lord Voldemort said that it would not be necessary, but her loyalty would be remembered in future.

So most of the guests tried not to stare at Snape and the hag, which was difficult due to his laughable costume and ugly date. Some pitied him, however, and some were glad that he finally went on a date for the first time in his life at least.

_Who would have known Severus preferred hags?_ they thought, as they all turned to look with pity at Alecto.

Alecto, who in the past and present had had her advances spurned countless times by Snape, was fuming and a little depressed. She guessed most recently going to Spinner's End at 1:00 in the morning in a lacy green negligee did nothing to awaken feelings of love and passion in Snape. If anything he had answered the door and dropped the textbook he had been reading, slamming the door in her face after mumbling some words of apology.

_Oh, the days when arranged marriages by purebloods were more prevalent_, mused Alecto, teary-eyed.

Wormtail, was not surprisingly dressed as a rat and served drinks and cocktail snacks. He had a lot of practice from living at Spinner's End, and when Snape recommended to Voldemort that Wormtail serving refreshments at the party would be highly suitable, the Dark Lord agreed with Snape much to Wormtail's displeasure. Snape also insisted that in noble houses such as the Riddles, servants usually wore lace aprons. Lord Voldemort, not realizing that aprons were for maids, had forced Wormtail to wear one as he hurried around the salon with his tray.

When Wormtail walked past Snape, Snape gave him a wicked smile and the sardonic eyebrow that was infamous, and that only Wormtail could understand. Snape utterly despised him and it dared Wormtail to put one toe out of line or utter one complaint to Dark Lord…and he would deal with him.

Septima looked at Snape and couldn't recall ever having seen him smile that widely. She didn't think it was possible for his ever tight-lipped countenance to be able to open up that much.

_He looks, er, nice when he smiles…_Vector immediately downed her elf-made wine. _I couldn't have possibly just had that thought run through my mind_. She panicked.

Snape was in renewed spirits and glanced over at Vector. He did not feel so badly about his own basilisk costume this year after spotting Pettigrew. _Wormtail looked abhorable. He always was a nasty little rat_, thought Snape.

No move was made into the dining room. The guests were still waiting for others to arrive as well as the grand entrance of the Dark Lord.


	25. Chapter 25: A Beard And Snape's Beard

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 25: A Beard And Snape's Beard**

"Get it? Dumbledore! But, I am Lord Voldemort! It is quite a jest." said the Dark Lord to the guests bowing down before him.

As they rose, the silence was deafening at the Riddle House. The Dark Lord was dressed as Albus Dumbledore.

The robes and pointed wizard's hat were quite accurate, as well as the half-moon spectacles. The red, evilly glinting eyes behind them were not.

Professor Vector believed that had he transfigured blue eyes they would be cold and empty. _Surely not warm and twinkling, _as her thoughts turned to the real Dumbledore with a rush of affection. _The nose was pretty bad as well or was it even a nose?_

He was horrifying to behold; the man next to her in a basilisk costume was soon forgotten. Septima was shaking slightly and sincerely hoped that no one had noticed. She gripped Snape's hand. She had never seen the Dark Lord in the flesh and its effect on her was terrifying.

Several of the Death Eaters noted the fake-looking beard looped around Voldemort's ears and cringed. They did not find this display humorous in the least. If anything it showed a vulnerable side to the Dark Lord. Their suspicions going back years were correct. Lord Voldemort WAS obsessed with Albus Dumbleodore, and quite a bit jealous, too.

Snape noticed Septima's hand just then.

_Hags had such bony fingers_, he thought to himself. He had recovered quickly from the stunned silence he had been in due to the Dark Lord's arrival and his…appearance.

It was the interlocked hands that Lord Voldemort also noticed. His eyes took in Severus Snape and the hag in a calculating way, as he approached them…

"Ah, Severus, a basilisk…my ancestor, Salazar Slytherin, would be pleased," quipped the Dark Lord.

Before the Dark Lord could address the hag, Bellatrix Lestrange sidled over to his side. The Dark Lord feared nothing except Dumbledore and Bella when her advances were ignored.

"Er, why don't you change, Bella? I think Medusa, perhaps, would be more to my liking…snake hair and all. Bride of Voldemort is quite flattering, but…"

The Dark Lord looked nervous. If a snake-like face with gleaming red eyes could look sheepish.

Snape and Septima looked behind an argumentative Bellatrix and a guilty Dark Lord to the room behind them where two piñatas hung. One resembled Igor Karkaroff and the other Lord Voldemort's nemesis, Harry Potter.

"…get one for my office…" muttered Snape.

"Hush," whispered Septima.

"Even the greatest dark wizard in a century has to quell his frustrations from time to time," offered Snape.

However, Snape turned to look around at the faces of his former colleagues from his Death Eater days. He agreed with what they were thinking and what was plainly readable on their faces.

_The Dark Lord was never the same after the Avada Kedavra backfired_…

They were interrupted by Bellatrix's husband…who was dressed as Lord Voldemort.

"Kissing up to the Dark Lord?" mumbled Amycus.

"What was that, Amycus?' queried the Dark Lord.

"Nothing, master," he said quickly.

"Trying to show me up? A bad call on your part, but I see you are devoted. You are forgiven for this evening at any rate," intoned Lord Voldemort.

Nobody looked at Belltrix's husband---they understood. Dressing up from time to time as Lord Voldemort was the only way Bellatrix would ever speak to her husband or merely hold his hand for that matter.


	26. Chapter 26: The Snake And The Hag

**Late Arrivals And Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 26: The Snake And The Hag**

Nagini slithered next to Severus Snape.

"I am not a companion, Nagini. Make contact with my person and you will die." Nagini reluctantly slithered away. The Dark Lord had informed Snape that he was sure Nagini would be honored by his costume as well. Obviously, the Dark Lord had not communicated the fact that Severus was in costume to Nagini yet.

Snape wished the slimy snake would leave him alone.

Professor Vector stifled a giggle as she saw Nagini turn and slither back, but fail to leave.

The basilisk's neck shot her a look so menacing she became silent.

"Snake gloves are superb for working with potions, Nagini, might I remind you," said Snape within Nagini's hearing.

Nagini finally slithered away to be next to her master.

The Dark Lord was on the other side of the room encircled by his loyal followers and was chatting animatedly.

"Did I not tell you that OUR party would be better than that fool Dumbledore's? He is getting on in years and losing his touch, I assure you." He whispered conspiratorially to a few Death Eaters nearby, "Also…we are all to be respectful to Severus Snape's, er, date," ordered the Dark Lord firmly.

"But, my Lord, he is dating a hag. They eat children…" said Lucius Malfoy.

Voldemort's expression seemed to say, "And?"

"Master, I can not look upon her face for sustained periods of time without feeling quite ill," said Alecto.

"Of course, it must be quite difficult coming to terms with the realization that Severus prefers, er, _hags_ over you," offered the Dark Lord. "There is no accounting for taste, Alecto. He is my loyal servant and is a talented wizard. One can't excel in every personal detail about ones self. You were far too young to witness his fawning over Potter's mother. If he wishes to carouse with a hag, so be it. We will find you a husband eventually…

Alecto looked like she was going to cry or break into one of her murderous rages from embarrassment.

"Do not pout, Alecto. It is _my _party…and if you insist on ruining the atmosphere, I will have no choice but to kill you and feed your dead body to Nagini." sing-songed the Dark Lord in a chilling voice.

Alecto shut up.

"That is better. Perhaps if the situation with the hag does not work out…I can put in a good word for you," offered Lord Voldemort, in a rare, generous mood.

Alecto's unattractive mouth turned up into what looked like a smile. _Yes, I would never have thought of it…perhaps my Lord can FORCE Severus to notice me. _

Her unattractve face beamed the rest of the night, which was still very unattractive nonetheless.

"Look at her! She disobeyed your orders, my Lord. The only guest not in costume," simpered Wormtail, as he tried to get back at Snape by attacking his date while trying to remember the drink orders.

"Silence!" said a high, cold voice. "It is, er, a _nice _costume, er, well thought out. Severus is my faithful servant. Do not make fun of his…girlfriend."

Alecto looked about ready to burst into angry tears and throw herself on the ground kicking and screaming which she usually did until her brother pulled her off the floor by her hair.

"Is that really his girlfriend?" asked Lucius Malfoy. Snape had just dined at Malfoy Manor two nights ago and hadn't mentioned that he was seeing anyone.

"Yes, I can always tell. He is obviously enamored with her. Look at their body language. How, er, _sweet! _He is offering her a cockroach cluster. Ah, I can just imagine the smell now, if only I could breathe through my nose," offered the Dark Lord wistfully.

_So it wasn't considered a nose anymore_, pondered the Death Eaters, as they tried not to look at the two slits above Voldemort's mouth and failed to make eye contact with him after stealing a few glances.

"Speaking of enamored…" Bellatrix sidled up to the Dark Lord again. She loved his nose…but mostly his magnetism and his power, of course.

Lord Voldemort shook his head and rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Bella, I have told you time and time again." (Voldemort left out the part about her repeated marriage proposals to him behind Lestrange's back)

"My dearest loyal, faithful slave…" This was the closest thing to something warm and heartfelt that the cold-hearted Voldemort could utter in all evil conscience. It was his highest compliment.

"It is flattering, Bella, but we have had this conversation before. In my quest for world domination and the torture and untimely deaths of thousands, I have no equal, er, partner," said the Dark Lord nervously.

"I will wait for you, my love, I mean, my Lord. I can adore you from afar," shouted Bellatrix hysterically. Bella's husband elbowed her roughly. She never took "no" for an answer. Not even from the Dark Lord.

Lord Voldemort noted this. "That would be fine, right, Lestrange?"

"Yes, my Lord," insisted Bellatrix's husband.

The Dark Lord had to be careful. He once told Bellatrix that the only thing in the world he could come close to feeling what love must be like for foolish mortals like themselves was the joy he took in himself and his pet, Nagini. An excellent snake…not to be compared with other snakes, he bragged. He never said it again after Bella threatened to kill his snake Nagini.


	27. Chapter 27: Candy For My Sweet

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 27: Candy For My Sweet**

"Here, have a cockroach cluster." Snape tried very hard not to smirk, er, smile at his date.

"Snape! One joke about the Honeydukes order and I'll…" whispered Septima through her teeth.

Snape swiveled his head quickly at the approaching figure of Wormtail. The basilisk head swayed violently.

"Firewhiskey with ice? The ice is melting and I should hate to bring this to the Dark Lord's attention. He would not be pleased, Wormtail. Also, there appears to be a spot on your apron. Tend to it! I believe this is unacceptable attire," spat Snape.

Snape turned to Septima as Wormatil fled grudgingly. "You insufferable dunderhead, do you have a death wish? Watch how you address me, remember yourself," said Snape scathingly, but with concern.

Snape noticed Alecto watching them carefully before walking over to them.

"Yes, it appears my, er, sweetie seems to rather enjoy cockroach clusters. However, considering she has eaten three boxes before our arrival, I am sure she has had quite enough for one evening."

Alecto walked away pouting. _There was no trouble in paradise. Not yet anyway…_

Septima took a bite just to do it. As long as he had sent them via Charon to her quarters she had never tried them. She managed to spit the cluster out when nobody was looking.

"Are you daft? As if they need to see something to know it. He is our world's greatest legilimens. If he asks you how they were…"

"I couldn't swallow. I tried."

Snape rolled his eyes at Vector and gripped her arm at the elbow to steer her away from the refreshment table.

Septima spotted Lucius Malfoy and snorted with hag laughter. "Really…I'm surprised _my good man_ didn't dress as a galleon coin," Septima dropped her normally soft, lilting Welsh accent and mimicked Lucius' haughty, affected Queen's English diction.

Snape, failing to find the humor that she found in this, eyed her viciously and Septima fell silent.

Many who gathered at the refreshment table stopped what they were doing to gaze in amazement and repulsion at the hag laughing hysterically. They were now put off by the food.

Either that or they were astonished that Severus Snape had quite possibly cracked a joke for once in his life that apparently was funny, even to a hag.

Septima felt a movement in her robe pocket and realized Sirius Black was trying to contact her.

She told Snape she was going to use the lavatory and to make sure nobody entered.

_Not that they would_ she thought. _Who would really wish to be alone in the bathroom with a hag…that was apparently dating Severus Snape?_

She fled.

Nobody would miss her. Lord Voldemort was harping on some of his guests to join him in the cemetery for a game of hide-and-seek and his latest innovation, hex---you're it!

Though the Dark Lord was a bit concerned…the last time they played hide-and-seek Bellatrix had cornered him and threatened to not free him until he gave her a kiss.


	28. Chapter 28: A Kiss For A Hag

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**NOTE:** I need to take a break and go back and review my notes and well, basically, write the rest of this. Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts, and especially the favorites. The party is not nearly over. Also…let's just say that LATE ARRIVAL just might be, kind of, sort of, perhaps, maybe overlapping into another story I am currently working on that is already up. Er, I think I just said too much… Well, on with the party and I promise I will get back to this as soon as it is worthy for you to view and er, I write the rest of it. Thanks so much!

**Chapter 28: A Kiss For A Hag**

Septima went to the bathroom in the Riddle House in order to contact Sirius Black who had been checking in to make fun of Severus Snape for most of the evening. She noticed the charmed snake and bones decorations throughout the corridor on the way to the loo. She had to hold back a few chuckles herself as she tried to block out the image of raucous, barking laughter if she opened the compact and let Sirius feast his eyes on the Halloween, er decorating scheme that the Dark Lord had chosen. However, she would never risk being found out in a roomful of swarming Death Eaters.

"Sirius, please, only for emergencies," she pleaded to the compact after the door was shut.

"I can not help myself, luv. He _really_…used the basilisk costume again?" he coughed. Septima knew he was trying to stifle an onslaught of loud laughter because he knew he might not be able to stop, just like when Snape first wore the costume to 12 Grimmauld Place for last year's party.

There were days when Sirius nearly went crazy hiding out at his home, but he would have given anything to be able to be at the pub to witness Snape looking like a complete ass again in that costume. What he wouldn't have given in order to attend.

At one point last year, after meeting eyes with a livid Molly, Sirius and Harry had escaped to the kitchen. Molly opened the door to check on them once Severus was up in the bathroom, and they had had tears of mirth streaming from their eyes. They had been trying to calm themselves down before they had to enter the living room.

"Yes, you know he did."

"Fine, I will let you go," said Sirius sheepishly. But if Severus should ask…Harry is with me…and Gry---Gryffindor's sword is in…Dumbleodore's office. So Snivellus, I mean, Snape, is quite safe."

Sirius convulsed with laughter again. He had tried to restrain himself but he just couldn't.

Septima sighed. Black still couldn't keep it together over the costume. She closed the compact and silenced the uncontrollable laughs yet again.

She stepped out into the dark corridor, lit only by the glowing eyes of the shoddy decorations. It was so dark she wouldn't have seen anyone but she saw Snape. Because nobody, not even in pitch darkness, would be able to not see the sheen of his green-sequined basilisk costume.

The basilisk's neck was livid.

She looked at the neck and her eyes met those of Snape. Snape was glaring at her. He did not look pleased. Well, he never was but this was different.

"Give me the mirror…now!" said Snape in a low threatening tone.

Alecto passed, so Septima and Snape began planning their cover-up, hoping the buck-toothed dolt Alecto did not hear the part about the mirror.

Snape took action. An unpleasant action he thought, but something so vile that he knew that Alecto would thoroughly be distracted and he and Septima---quite off the hook, as they say. _Quite necessary under the circumstances…_

Snape turned to Alecto. Well, the snake head did first, before his actual head.

"My, er, _girlfriend_," said Snape weakly between his teeth, "is quite funny, really."

"Yes," Septima played along with him. "He sends me cockroach clusters _all_ of the time. He has a standing order over at Honeydukes," Septima tried to preen the best she could as a lovesick dolt, however, the hag noise that came out of her transfigured self was quite horrifying.

"Well, I do, as a matter of fact. I know you find them far too enjoyable," winced Snape.

"Darling…" said the hag as gracefully as Septima could muster.

"Really…in public? Oh, very well then…"replied Snape, ignoring Septima's horror about what she guessed he was about to do.

She had been placed in this position before. It was utterly revolting, but if her safety amidst Death Eaters was at stake, so what about her self-respect?

Snape grabbed the shocked hag by the elbows and gave her a quick, soft kiss.

Alecto burst into tears, the mirror quite forgotten and stormed off. _True, she was not as attractive as Narcissa, or even Bellatrix when she was younger, or even the still lovely Mrs. Zabini…but damn it…a hag?_

Poor Alecto never found out that her brother had tried to bribe the goblin, Griphook from Gringotts into at least taking his sister out on a date. When Amycus showed Griphook a picture he assured him that even if he promised him the entire contents of the Malfoy family vault currently sealed at Gringotts…his answer was and always would be a very firm "no."

Snape had closed his eyes, using every bit of occlumency knowledge he had practiced over the years to block out the hag image when he kissed her.

Septima looked about ready to slap the snake head…but considering in whose presence she was in, she managed to compose herself. Voldemort, attired as a very sad imitation of Dumbleodre, could sweep in with purple and blue, star-spangled robes at any minute.

Alecto told the rest of the party what she had encountered. They were disgusted, picturing the basilisk's neck kissing a hag.

Snape thought that now Vector wouldn't be on speaking terms with him for the rest of the night and well into tomorrow.

_Just as he had hoped…and he had gotten rid of Alecto also._

Sometimes he marveled at his own brilliance.

And then he heard sounds coming from the compact that had opened during their embrace.

"If he acts like a git, luv…go for the eyes…" Sirius eyed one of Voldemort's crappy decorations and shut his mirror.

He couldn't wait to inform his godson, Harry.


	29. Chapter 29: The Dark Lord Wonders Why

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: The Stalking of Severus Snape**

**Chapter 29: The Dark Lord Wonders Why**

"ARRRGGGHHH! No more, I beg you, my lord!" Amycus Carrow rolled around on the ground, balled up in a fetal position, and screamed in excruciating pain.

"Hex – I believe you are it," the Dark Lord intoned calmly as he stood and bowed over him. "Get up, Carrow. Really are you a loyal Death Eater or what? Shake it off now." He gave him a quick kick to the abdomen with his dirty bare foot.

"Come here my pretty Nagini." Lord Voldemort motioned affectionately toward his snake, his dark robes rippling in the night air. "It will take him about 15 minutes to get up and hex the next person.

"For your information, my snake, Nagini, once encountered a muggle and let me tell you, she didn't cower for a second, right my brave girl? Wait until you see her attack the Igor Karkaroff pinatata. The Potter one-well, that is reserved for me," Lord Voldemort's voice dripped venom and bitterness.

Wormtail, who was still carrying around an empty tray after dropping off the latest order of drinks to tired, panting, and injured Death Eaters, walked over to where Snape and his hag were standing.

"I believe I have some valuable information for you, Severus," he squeaked haughtily, motioning for Snape to come over to him.

Snape looked over at Vector, willing her with his expression to stay put, as he walked over to where Wormtail was standing. He didn't like the rueful expression on Pettigrew's face.

"When do you ever?" Snape rolled his eyes. "I believe it can wait. Also, there is another stain on your apron. I would hate to inform the Dark Lord. Hex, as you very well know, is his absolute favorite game. He would be most aggrieved to be interrupted," Snape said silkily.

"You are quite right. But he would also be very disheartened to know that you don't have a real hag with you either.

"I have no idea as to what you are going on about," Snape countered smoothly.

"And neither will the Dark Lord…if you hear me out, and we can reach an agreement."

"You wouldn't dare attempt it, Wormatail. You are hanging on by a rather thin line as it is."

"Oh, yes, I would, Severus. What have I got to lose? You on the other hand…"

They both turned as they heard the Dark Lord…

"Loyal Death Eaters, Amycus is up. He is now _it_. Run, whilst you still can." The Dark Lord put his wand deftly back into his dark robes, pulled up the hem of his robes to sprint, and headed for the tombstones. The gathering started to run as well. Bella ran in the same direction as her lord.

Professor Vector rolled her eyes and couldn't believe that Snape had brought her here and that her own Headmaster felt this was necessary to get Snape to socialize.

She remembered the conversation with Dumbledore very clearly…

"Perhaps my very dear Miss Vector, I have known him since he was a boy and I have sort of a soft spot for him. Might you have one as well? Professor Snape has proven his mettle over the years and maybe he will prove it to you in due course of time.

She had nodded briskly "no" and tried not to throw up in the Headmaster's office. She believed the dear, sweet, delusional old man was trying to tell her something, and she dearly hoped that it was not that Snape had taken a fancy to her.

So why was she here? _Now it would possibly get me killed! Snape and I would die together! Oh, Merlin!_

Professor Vector looked around for Wormtail to order the strongest firewhiskey Lord Voldemort was offering that evening.

The Dark Lord looked around and found the perfect mausoleum to hide behind. He then looked around again, because he couldn't find Nagini.

_My brilliant girl…had of course found a more ingenious hiding place than her dear Voldy Woldy…_he marveled to himself.

It was then that Bellatrix Lestrange sidled up to the Dark Lord.

Voldemort sighed as he noticed all of the Death Eaters had ran elsewhere to hide. Nobody could save him from Bella. Well, they knew better. If they had tried to take his hiding place he would have avada'd them.

_Surely, the price of being the most feared dark wizard in a century._

_Pity._

_Gilderoy Lockart had said that "fame is a fickle friend." _Well, that book was still buried in Albania, so nobody would ever know.

"My lord…we are utterly alone," Bella was eyeing him amorously.

The Dark Lord gulped. He could kill her, but she was his most loyal….

"Give me a kiss, my lord. Grant me that which no other would be graced with." Her dark hair fluttered in the breeze and he noticed the crazy eyes were filled with devotion.

_Damn her…she never gave up. Oh, well, just one...it could be construed as flattering after all and I most certainly enjoy sticking it to her jealous husband._

However, it wasn't pleasant for him. A waste of his precious time to be sure, on the other hand, confunding innocent people to do his bidding, mass slaughters of muggles, now that piqued his interest

_And it wasn't like this was the first time…_

_She tasted worse than a dementor …tried to live off one on the forbidden forest – they do not taste like chicken._

"Fine just once, Bella," he acquiesced regrettably. His thin, dry, gray lips slightly puckered and touched Bella's for a count of three, that he held silently in his head. She held on longer until he waved his hand and magically forced her to the ground near his feet.

"How wonderful!" she screeched maddeningly. "My lord, can't you feel the fire of our attraction for each other? Oh, master I would wait forever for you. Haven't you realized we belong together? We were made for each other. Both powerful lovers of the Dark Arts and we could be lovers in the truest sense if you would only see reason. The noble house of Black combined with that of your family. We would rule the wizarding world….together!"

"What about your husband?" the Dark Lord challenged sheepishly.

She sleekly removed her wand from her robes and a twisted smirk grew on her countenance. "He will be looking for me in mere moments. Should I bury him here or take him away?" She waved her wand airily and shrugged.

"Er, not at my party, Bella. I haven't even gotten around to the Karkaroff and Potter piñatas yet."

"Fine, I will kill him the minute we walk through our door afterwards. But first…one more kiss, my lord," she eyed Voldemort feverishly.

"No Bella," he shouted, his voice wavering.

"Well, I want one more." Ropes twisted out of her wand and undulated around a frightened Dark Lord, as they pulled him to a nearby tombstone.

_She was mad -perhaps more than a kiss? _

Lord Voldemort grabbed the collar of his robes and pushed them up, just in case Bella tried to make out with him.

"Where is my snake, Nagini?" he asked as she breathlessly walked toward him.

"Freezing charm...she's about five feet away. Oh, all right, I will free her, when I have finished." She licked her lips as she reached him, and bent her head towards his own.

Bella had tied him to a tombstone near the mausoleum with the magical ropes and laughed throatily and with hysterics. _The hell he would get away this time…_

"Bella, your husband is coming over. A little propriety and common decency, really," he croaked in a very high, commanding, and uncommonly shrill voice.

_I had spoiled her once, ok, maybe more than once and now she wouldn't leave me alone. I hadn't kissed a girl in perhaps 50 years and was curious, and now this! What a fool I have been and I only just read that Gilderoy Lockhart book about not getting involved with fans. The price was surely too high!_

_Alas…what would Albus Dumbledore do?_


	30. Chapter 30: The End of the Party

**Late Arrivals and Lifetime Rivals: Snape's Worst Halloween**

**Chapter 30: The End of the Party**

Severus Snape was eyeing Wormtail carefully as they stood in the graveyard during Hex-You're-It.

"And why do you believe that my, er, date is not a hag?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Before I tell you, Severus, why don't we work out what I want first?" Wormtail had a smug, victorious look on his face.

"Really, this should be good," Snape said in an offhand tone, but his eyes were calculating.

"I want you to tell the Dark Lord that you no longer want me at Spinner's End. I am not cleaning your house anymore, I wish not to live with you, and I certainly will not be serving drinks anymore…with a lacy apron. And giving me that small room hidden behind the stairs, well, it wasn't fit for even a rat to live there.

"Precisely. That is fine by me," countered Snape.

"Get, er, Alecto to do it for you. She would love the job." Wormtail knew as many others did that Alecto was in love with Snape and made no attempt to hide it.

"So…how have you come to your conclusion that my date is not a hag?" asked Snape, quite still.

"Well, I am not the only one. Nagini is a rather smart pet, er, snake and she passed you and she is very loyal to her master and something wasn't quite right for her. And she told me to look into it and when I passed to give you drinks earlier in the evening, when you complained about the ice cubes melting and the stain on my apron. I smelled the hag. My rat nose is quite reliable…"

"And?" asked Snape in exasperation.

"She doesn't smell like a hag….she smells wonderful…like a woman…a floral smell."

"Well, I am quite sure a hag could douse themselves with perfume, Wormtail," said Snape appearing unruffled, but inwardly pissed that Wormtail, who had never had a woman interested in him, ever, was smelling Vector.

"Wrong, Snape. I escaped from the Shreiking Shack and went to find my master. I had traveled through forests and encountered vampires, wild beasts, Bertha, and hags. And they have a very powerful, distinct smell."

"Worse than yours? I am sure the rooms at my house are still inhabitable," scowled Snape.

"It's very strong and very distinct and no perfume could cover it. And then…I thought about my time as Weasley's pet, Scabbers."

"What about it?" Snape seemed to prolong the questioning so as to give himself time to think and plan how he would get Vector out of there. Actually, he wondered where she was because she was no longer standing where he had left her and told her not to move.

"Well, the third person in the Potter trio is that Granger girl. The smart one…and she was constantly telling Harry and Ron that Arithmancy was her favorite subject and that she liked Professor Vector."

"Well, what does that have to do with my date," asked Snape slowly and with caution.

"Every time that she said it, the Weasley boy would crack on her and say that he felt sorry for Professor Vector because she was a nice-looking woman and everyone knew that you fancied her because you constantly teased her and made trouble. So, I can only assume that the hag you are with is not a hag but….a teacher….that female teacher from Hogwarts."

"That is ridiculous. And Nagini, for your information, hates you." Replied Snape coolly.

"True…but dare to deceive her master whom she loves and…she will back me up on this. Oh, and I lied Snape, I will be out of Spinner's End…and I am still telling the Dark Lord."

Wormtail looked at Snape, waved, and transformed into a rat, heading in the direction of the tombstones.

….

The hag walked on. _Where is the rat with the apron?_

Professor Vector walked on near the tombstones. She passed several Death Eaters that were running and hiding and trying to get away from Carrow who was _IT_.

_Merlin's Beard, one firewhiskey, is it so much to ask… where is that rat?_

And then she saw a sight she could not have imagined. Lord Voldemort was tied to a tombstone, fighting off Bellatrix Lestrange who was apparently trying to make out with him.

"Hag….come here," commanded the Dark Lord, after spotting her when Bella's back was turned. He looked at her intently. He looked like he wished to communicate something to her. She thought very hard, calmed herself, and thought about everything Snape had told her about occlumency and that she had read when she had researched alternative branches of magic. She prayed it worked. She might falter. She was so afraid, but it could very well mean her life. She looked Voldemort in the eye and he said…

"Help! Help me and you shall be rewarded. Distract Bella and untie me now."

She had seen the snake tied a few feet from there and now it made sense.

"Ms., er, Lestrange," croaked the hag sounding like a saw.

Bella turned from the Dark Lord. "What" she inquired rudely. "How dare you hag….addressing me? You filthy creature…"

"Ms. Lestrange…the snake is gasping and doesn't look well and I think it might be dying."

"No, not my girl…Bella you will answer for this…pay with your life if anything should happen to my poor girl, my…" The Dark Lord had caught on.

"Fine, I will free her. And I will be back." Bellatrix apparated a few feet to where the snake was charmed.

Vector, the hag, walked slowly over to the Dark Lord. "My wand is in my cloak but the ropes are too tight. Remove it and hand it to me," ordered Lord Voldemort.

The hag obeyed, hoping he had not seen anything, hoping he didn't free himself and turn on her.

She did as she was asked. Lord Voldemort, wand in hand, magically sliced the ropes, rubbed his wrists and arms and looked at the hag.

"I will not forget this service. I am a merciful lord and remember loyalty…even to creatures of the night such as yourself. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing, er, my lord," she choked out, silently seething. "It was er, a pleasure to assist you."

"Hag…I see you have come to my party with Severus Snape. Did you have a good time?"

"Smashing. Far better than that Dumbledore's," she laid it on thick and hoped he didn't see her trembling.

The Dark Lord's thin lips curved up into what she believed was a small smile.

"Naturally, why wouldn't it be? Now, I know that hags do not marry but if you wish it…I know for a fact that Severus Snape is always available. He was interested in someone a very long time ago but she is gone, and my servant Alecto is a whining bore, between you and me, who carries on so, and is not very attractive to him."

"No, er, thank you, I wish not to marry, my lord."

"Good. I don't blame you." He looked over at Bella and shivered awkwardly.

"Now let us go and find Severus Snape so I can inform him of what you have done, and what a worthy choice in a, er, date."

…

Bella walked over to the snake. She raised her wand and the freezing charm was broken. She looked down at the snake in fury, her crazed eyes nearly snapping.

"You have won again, Nagini. But he will be mine and there is nothing you can do about it."

The snake slithered away from the maniac as fast as she could to join her master.

…..

Hex-You're-It had apparently continued on and now there were hexed, unconscious, and injured people lying about the cemetery. Lord Voldemort and the hag approached them.

"I believe I have grown bored with this game. I wish to return to the Riddle House and you will all watch me and Nagini play with the Karkaroff and Potter piñatas. If anyone should interfere, you will die."

By now his snake had joined him. They both turned to Septima Vector. "Miss, er, Hag, please join me as a guest of honor. "

Snape, who had his wand out and was looking for Wormtail in animagus form could only stare in astonishment, turn from what he was doing, and follow Vector in the Riddle House.

Several Death Eaters rose slowly from the ground amidst shrieks of pain and gasps of breath, clutching sides and trying to maintain balance once they stood. The less injured conjured stretchers and led their comrades into the house.

…..

"Get up…Get up! What an excuse for Death Eaters! Nobody should be sitting while I attack the Potter piñata."

Several Death Eaters struggled to stand. Amycus Carrow rose slowly and fell over.

"Leave him there…and now for the piñatas…"

Professor Vector was seated near Voldemort and Snape signaled for her to stand as well. In the fray, he walked over to her. He wouldn't tell her what happened so not to worry her, but they had to get out of there.

"Damn it!" yelled the Dark Lord. "Why, one shot…the game is over already? That is not fun!" The Dark Lord had raised his wand to the Potter piñata, cast avada kedavra, and a green jet of light had destroyed the piñata whole, and nearly missed Malfoy and his wife on the other end of the room.

"Well, we still have the Karkaroff piñata at any rate. "Nagini, brave girl, get him!"

Nagini slithered over to the Karkaroff piñata and sunk her fangs into the neck of the papier mache figure."

"Daddy is so proud…" Lord Voldemort yelled out with affection. "Look at her strike…" Lord Voldmort stopped mid-sentence and surveyed the living room, "…and look at my worthless followers who can't even play a decent game of Hex."

"Severus Snape….come here," said the Dark Lord imperiously.

Snape walked over to Lord Voldemort.

"Your, er, hag has done a loyal service. It will be remembered."

"I am glad for it. "

"Where did you acquire….er, find her?"

"Knockturn Alley, my lord, where actually I should probably return her. I would think her hag relations…would desire her back," he said smoothly.

"Yes, excellent. We are almost done here. But should I ever have another party. Let her know that she is invited. And should you wish to marry her…you have the Dark Lord's blessing'

"Thank you, my lord…it is an honor."

Snape turned and grabbed the hag quickly by the arm and led her to the foyer of Malfoy Manor.

"I have no idea of what you did but we need to leave," he whispered to her in the foyer. "We will go on the front lawn and hold my hand…"

"Really…I think not. This has been…"

"Silence, do you want them to hear? Hags are magical creatures and do not apparate. However, I can as a wizard and we will use sidealong apparition."

The Hag followed Severus Snape out onto the lawn. He saw the rat running into the house and smirked.

Nobody would believe him.

…

"Thank you all for coming…and spread the word. I wish for Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix to know my party was a success."

The guests started to file out, apparating here and there, some were going straight to St, Mungo's before they went home.

Bella looked longingly at the Dark Lord, grabbed her husband, and apparated in a fury.

Wormtail approached the Dark Lord.

"My lord, I have something I wish to tell you…"

"Do you? Well, so do I. The ice was melting…your apron is inexcusably spotted…and Severus Snape has always been right about you. You are nothing but a nasty little rat who doesn't deserve to be in my service."

"But, my lord, Severus Snape…his, er, date….was not a hag."

"Silence! How dare you spread such lies. She nearly saved my life… and the violation of my person."

"What? If you don't believe me, ask Nagini," yelled Wormtail in disbelief.

Lord Voldemort called the snake to him.

Nagini who was still in shock from Bellatrix said nothing at first, and then told her master that all hags were odd, but this one had saved her from Bella.

"Crucio!" The curse hit Wormtail and he crumbled to the ground in agony.

"Don't you dare spread vicious rumors about Severus Snape and his er, date. And come to think of it you're out of Spinner's End. I wouldn't want such vermin living with me either. Go to the Carrows for awhile until I can place you again," said the high, cold voice.

"Yes, my lord," answered Wormtail.

….

Professors Snape and Vector walked up to the Castle at Hogwarts.

"Well, what happened, Vector? And how is it that the Dark Lord believes he owes you a favor?"

"A long story…I will tell you tomorrow. First…just let me…stop for a moment won't you?"

She halted. They were walking at a fast pace back to the castle and all she wished was to turn back into her old self.

"Allow me," said Snape.

He raised his wand and pointed it at her and transfigured her back.

"Thank Merlin…I've had enough of this." She shook out her long hair and looked down at her blue cloak as if to check that she was not a hag anymore, just in case. "Much better," she said in relief.

He watched her carefully. "Yes, Vector, considerably better."

They both walked up the lane and into the castle doors.


End file.
